stillness in real time

This month has been a month to test out my ability to stay calm in the middle of a storm.
not only have I been preparing for two shows, but my job at work has changed and I was asked to reapply for the job at a higher level. That was all stressful but do-able.

Then last week my close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer of the milk ducts. She was here every night last week. She would sit in the kitchen with me while I would make dinner, the children would play and I would listen to her run through her thoughts, her fears, the doctors suggestions and the new research she did on the internet the night previous. I had deadlines at work , deadlines for the two projects, I was supposed to be writing a cover letter for the new position, but I had to drop every thing and just be there, just be present, just be calm, centered …. I just had to be a friend. Now life continues on and its amazing to see that it could, that each day it does… it continues ….without any pause, without even a recognition that something has changed. Today she had a second opinion for treatment. We hope that the next doctor can recommned something else rather than a full mastectomy but she has already scheduled the date for surgery.

Every day is the same every where around the world… things happen, people get sick, they die, they go to war, and we cant possibly respond to everything that goes on. there is only so much that we can pay attention to in our own lives.

I got to spend some time just watching the snow swirls on Sunday. It was so beautiful and at the same time chaotic.
I tried to video tape it outside but it was difficult -a moment, a movement like that can’t be captured, it only can be experieced to get the full effect. moment by moment life changes. Nothing is permanent in this world.
“Birth and Death,
you have been crushing me.

Now you can no longer touch me.”

Zen master, Tue Trung

I can see the interdependant nature of everything in my life, in the world, …..
perhaps in the universe….peacefulness cannot be a barracade that seperates me from the rest of the world.
It is within and leads me forward and empowers me to help in any way I can at the moment.

Today my daughter drew a picture of two birds, She said they were love birds.
She said “they love each other forever and forever and ever.
They never leave each other.”
I told her we are like love birds too and love each other forever and ever.

forever. a moment.
interconnectedness. no fear. love.
letting go of expectations and outcomes.

and yet my deadline is still sunday.